weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
