i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
