I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
