i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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