Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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