I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
