If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
