Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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