Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
