Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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