how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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