Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize