Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I did not marry a roomba.
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