I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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