i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
And then he peed in my hair
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