just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
