Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
