the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
