I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
