Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
