guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
