She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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