My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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