Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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