don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
