fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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