When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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