I wish I could punch you in the face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
