you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
