we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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