He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
