He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize