So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
