I hate all girls vehemently.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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