and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
