(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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