"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
