Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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