I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
