You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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