'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
