chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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