with your own penis?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My ass is underappreciated
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
