You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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