Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize