listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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