I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
