I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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