he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dignity is for republicans.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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