so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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