Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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