he shaved USA in his pubs
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
