So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
