so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
