Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
