My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
