what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
