My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
