Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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