I have demons in me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
