you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
