Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize