I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The air was thick with penises
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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