Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
