I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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