I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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